Sunday, November 23, 2008

A Letter That Will Never Be Mailed

Dear Dad,

I miss you so much. I still think about you every day, think about your smile, your laugh, the way it felt when I put my arm in yours, my head on your shoulder…I remember the way you made me feel. You were so good to me. I hope I showed you how much I loved you and how much I appreciated you.

My girls miss you too. They talk about you and wish so hard you were here. They want to tell you what they are doing. You’d be so proud. They are such beautiful young women. Part of what they are today is because of the love and attention you showed them daily when they were small.

I’m doing my best to take care of Mom. She is so frail and confused, but she remembers you. She has a picture of you on the table where she sits. It’s getting harder and harder to understand her and she is having an equally hard time understanding her world, but she says something about you every day. She tells anyone who will listen what a wonderful husband she had. You blessed us all with your time here.

I love you so much.


Sunday, November 2, 2008


I love my daughters. I love them with every fiber of my soul. I feel what they feel. When they are happy, my heart sings. When they are sad, I fight the tears. I love the women they are becoming. I love listening to their stories of their days, the way they conquer their world, the way the come back fighting after the world conquers them.

I miss the little girls. I miss being able to solve all their problems. I miss being able to pick them up and hug them so tight their eyes bug.

So Grace is giving some of this back to me now. I have a little girl here. She is frightened and simple in her understanding of the world. She needs constant reassurance and can't make any decisions for herself.

This morning I came downstairs to see her already up and on the couch. I knew I had to check. Sure enough, she had wet the bed, her pants, the couch. Time to change diapers and throw everything in the wash. Not exactly the child I'd pick, but a child none the less. I told her we had to clean her up and she didn't understand why. I mean she already WENT to the 'bathroom' so why bother?

Since other caregivers have not been as diligent, I spent part of yesterday at a laundrymat washing the cushions. Through the miracle of garbage bags and duct tape, I covered the couch and placed another fabric cover over the whole couch (easier to wash). Mark down yet another use for duct tape. I just love duct tape; isn't that stuff great?!?

So explain to me how she can totally forget to use a toilet yet still be able to tie her shoes? Hm.