Sunday, December 21, 2008

The Shrinking World

Today she woke up and was reluctant to leave her room. After months of not wanted to stay in her room, now she has to be coaxed to leave. Her room has become her apartment; the rest of the house, the lobby.

Her brain seems to take her on trips. One day it was a beautiful wedding. Another she is back living in her house in Evanston. Today she has an apartment. I wonder when that was in her life. Throughout a single day, the days change. Yesterday it was Sunday, Monday AND Thursday. She seems to have enough left to know that it cannot be all those days at once, but her disorientation is becoming more the rule than the exception.

I woke up early to take out the dogs. I stopped in to check on her. At first she did not know me and almost panicked. WHO ARE YOU?!?!?! Then she wanted to know why I was getting back so late (yeah, I always go out in my pajamas).

The day is coming soon that she will not be able to communicate. I have trouble understanding her and asking her to repeat is risky. Repeating requires memory and often she cannot repeat what she can’t remember.

There is snow everywhere, but it surprises her every time we bring it up She isn’t as cold as she has been either. We still wrap her up and try to keep her warm, but she doesn’t ask and complain about it. She also does not appear to be cold.

When my father was nearing the end, she used to say, “He’s having a terrible death.”

I think she is too.

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