Monday, April 7, 2008

Between a rock and a hard place

There are days she is impossible. Take tonight for example. She can't hear me so she asks me to repeat...and repeat.... I speak louder and that doesn't help. I speak slower and then she gets mad at me for talking to her that way.


It's extremely difficult for me to do anything that requires any concentration. If I arrange it so I can be near her, she can't stop talking. If I don't answer her within 3 seconds, she gets furious. She can't remember I need to concentrate so she can't stop. She has no sense of time so she doesn't know how long she waits for me to answer. If I leave the room she gets angry.

Sometimes when she really tears into me, I have to just walk away. That can evoke two responses; 1. She gets MORE furious or 2. she gets tremendously remorseful and pathetic. Neither are what I want, but I just need space and a minute to collect myself. Her anger also makes her try to strike or spit or throw things. Fortunately she does not have the strength or mass to provide any impact.

She hates the 4-8pm caregiver so it's hard for her to run interference, even though she tries. I'm probably just going to have to stay later at work to get my work done. But as far as doing things around the house like balancing financial accounts or pay bills, that's tough. I have to time it just right.

I try to be patient and remember that she is a victim of a disease that I could very well be facing someday. I try to remember that I can only expect the same care that I am willing to provide her, but it's really hard.

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