It starts as a little shimmer out of the corner of my eye. It's like the glare off a shiny magazine page or the spot in your eye after glancing at the sun. I ignore it for a while, thinking I am wrong. It's not there. I must be mistaken.
But it grows. The shimmering creeps across my vision until the left side is lost in micro flashes and darkness.
I know what's next.
My mother used to care about this. She knew that the shimmer would stop suddenly and then the pain would grip my head and eyes for two days. Later the nausea would signal its end. The first time this happened, she knew exactly what it was.
Tonight she only got angry. "Why are you acting this way? Why are you turning out the lights? Why are you going to bed? What should I do? "
I understand what is happened but I can't believe it either. The light hurts my eyes, the sounds reverberate in my head and bang on my skull, but she is angry?? Wow.
I go through the motions, trying not to open my eyes any more than is necessary. I get her water, her sleeping pills, the dog's water... then off to bed for me. Anything just to close my eyes.
My pain doesn't matter. It is mine alone.