Friday, June 13, 2008

Beside Herself

What does it mean to be 'beside yourself?' Is it an out of body experience? Is it sort of a multiple personality thing? What is it?

Grace is 'BESIDE HERSELF' every night. She tells me this as if she were challenging me and I have no idea what to offer. The comment comes with a harsh glare. Usually this happens when the sun starts to go down. The wandering begins. Maybe she's trying to actually GET beside herself?

We have new caregivers for the evening. She hates them all. Meaner than a snake, she yells at them and yells at me. She points at them and asks me when they are going home or what are they doing there or why are they staring at her. Last night she got so mad she told me she was leaving... moving out to a motel. Sure. I'd like to see that. She can't drive, can't work a phone, can't feed herself, yet she is moving out to a motel. Maybe she can be in two rooms and truly be 'beside herself.'

I think she wants me to do something. She wants me to make it better. She thinks somehow I can put her brain back together and make things connect. Why not? It's a reasonable request. I fix everything else so why can't I fix her? I have answers for my daughters, so I certainly must have her answers.

Just not tonight. I'm 'beside myself.'

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